This is the third of four posts I will be writing about achieving greatness. The first two posts were all about how I get more things done each day. This week’s is about how I try to bring more happiness into my life. I meant to do this post last week, but I was exceptionally busy with getting a new job and beginning the process of moving into a new apartment. I also had to deal with some severe neck pain early in the week which took me out for a whole day. So, a week late, but certainly still worthwhile.
Happiness is one of those topics that is really hard to quantify. No one can really come up with a singular definition that everyone can agree on. I took an entire college class on the subject and still couldn’t come away with a consensus. I think one thing that most experts can agree on though, is that happiness is not having constant joy in one’s life. It is true that the good feelings we get when something pleasant happens tends to happen more often to those who say they are happy, but it is impossible to be in that state all the time. Even people who are happy have bad things happen to them, and no matter how happy they are the rest of the time, those things will get them down.
I choose to think of happiness as a state where everything that happens, good or bad, results in a positive outcome, so I never get into a negative state of mind. It’s a state of being content with all things. I find that when I’m in that state, things just seem to go my way all the time. Bad things happening don’t really get to me as much as those do. The only things that do get me out of this state of mind are doubt and worry. The more I worry about things that I have to do or have doubts about where I am in life, the more negative I get.
With this in mind, there are three things that I’ve gathered from reading and personal experience that I find gets me more into the content state of mind. But before that, to throw in a fourth point I’ve already covered, eliminating unnecessary information and focusing my time on being productive has a major impact on my overall happiness, so don’t forget to do that too!
Let Go of People Who Hold You Back
This point was hammered into me by the fine fellows at The Art of Charm several years ago now, and it’s becoming even more important as time goes on. This strongly ties in with the elimination I just mentioned, except this is related to people instead of information. This is a hard one for most people to swallow for two reasons: 1) It is hard to do, especially as relationships grow over time; and 2) It can make you come off as callous, which is generally frowned upon. And it is true, doing this will result in people not liking you. But as any successful person will tell you, those people tend to be worthless and ignoring them is vital to continue succeeding. Remember that this is all about you.
It is generally easy to tell which people to avoid and let go of. They tend to be overly negative, though it can be in different ways. Some will try to bring everyone around them down to their level. They will tell you that anything risky you do will fail. Others are negative by complaining about things all the time, usually things they have no control over. They will be the drama spreaders. You need to avoid these people for two reasons: 1) Just being around their negativity will make you feel worse (just like how being around positive people will automatically make you feel better and more energized); and 2) Since nothing they say to you is productive, they waste your time.
A lot of people don’t even realize how much the negativity gets to them. Especially when they are reading it online, it doesn’t tend to be as oppressive as it does in person, but the overall effect is still bringing you down. It’s for this reason that on my Facebook, I only read the positive posts that my friends put up. If someone is being negative all the time, I remove them from my feed because I know that it is subconsciously causing me to worry about them. Again, it seems callous to admit that you don’t care about someone’s problems, but when it is that constant, it has more to do with their mindset rather than any problems they actually have. I also actively avoid websites and forums that are well known for people being mean to others (which seems to be all of them these days). And even on the sites I do visit, I never read the comments, no matter how hilarious I am promised they are. More often than not, the “hilarity” comes from the commenters being stupid or ignorant. In other words, I’m supposed to be making fun of them, which is a negative attitude to have towards people. Being mean to people gets you nothing. I’d prefer to think the best of people and be positive as much as possible. Being positive is the only way I know to be content in life.
This is something that you need to do slowly, get used to it. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Start with those people farthest away from you and work your way inward. And always be trying to make new friends with people who are more positive. They aren’t hard to find, and they will provide you with so much more.
Travel Often, Never Tour
I will never fully understand people who don’t like to travel. If there’s one thing that pretty much every rich or successful person has in common, it is that they travel all the time. Why? Because when you have enough money to not worry about material needs, the only thing to spend it on experiences. I am a strong proponent of gaining experiences as they will generally do more to improve your outlook on life than things. Don’t get me wrong, I spend plenty on entertainment, but none of those compare to the fun I have going to new places.
So yes, you should travel often. But what do I mean by never tour? Basically, travel is great, but acting like a tourist is never great, at least in my opinion. I personally rarely have any fun doing tourist activities, which usually involve visiting landmarks. Things like natural formations or castles or museums or some dead guy’s house. While some are admittedly impressive to behold, they don’t excite me. Immersing myself in the culture of the place I’m visiting is much more fun to me.
For example, I visited England and Ireland several years ago. I saw a lot of castles and churches there. A lot of them were amazing, but I had a lot more fun just doing the normal things. Using the tube. Getting paninis at the cafes. Roaming the streets and parks. Navigating the roads. Watching the sheep wander around. Things that people who are living there do all the time. It was on that trip that I finally realized that when I visit a place, I want to see the way a regular citizen would. I want to do the things that they find cool, not the things that are designed to get tourists. I think those kinds of experiences are much more worthwhile than doing what an airport guide tells me to do.
Of course everyone’s mileage will vary on this one. I know my parents love seeing the landmarks. But I feel that if you really want to experience other cultures, you need to do more than just visit their cool stuff. You should actively try to be like them.
Aggressively Help Others
I think helping others is one that everyone can relate to. I’m pretty sure everyone has helped someone else at one point and felt good about it afterwards. But, there are still a lot of people who view it as an annoyance. You don’t want to be that person. You want to feel good about helping others, and I encourage you to seek out opportunities to do so. And be aggressive about it.
Now when I say be aggressive, I don’t mean force your way into helping someone who doesn’t want it. I mean that when you find an opportunity to help someone, convince them that it is in their best interest for you to help them. If they still don’t want the help, then respect their wishes and move on.
I could be wrong in this assumption, but it seems like most people don’t really like helping others. Think about the last time you asked people to help you move. You don’t want to be like those people. You want to help others. No successful person ever got where they are without help from others. And the best way to get others to help you is to help them. That’s why you should be aggressive about it. It changes your mindset so that you are always trying to help others, and the help that comes back is often much greater than what you put into it.
Not every opportunity is going to be fruitful. Plenty of people get help from others and don’t appreciate it, so they never give anything back. It happens, but you shouldn’t let that deter you. For every one of those people, there are nine more who will thank you. Many of them will even go out of their way to help you out with something you need. Who knows? You might even make a great friend along the way.
I know that personally, helping others feels great. Even something as simple as giving someone directions puts a smile on my face. Leveraging your skills will also make it easier and more enjoyable. I don’t get many chances to anymore, but I loved tutoring in math when I was in school. Math has always come easy for me, so teaching others seems like an obvious use of my talents, and I ended up benefiting from it too. Someday, when I get tired of my profession, I would love to go back to teaching all the time.
It doesn’t really matter what you do. You can tutor like I used to. You can give some time to a volunteer organization. You can donate your money to a cause you believe in (I give money to Child’s Play because I want to give comfort to kids in hospitals). You can do something as simple as help a co-worker with a problem. Or offer to take on a task that no one else wants to do. You can even be the one who is glad to help your friend move! The important thing is that you see where people need help, and put yourself in a position to help them.
...
Next week, the final post about greatness. See you then!